With your death, our relationship has changed but I realize now that it will never end.
You live on not only in me, but in Erin, your two beautiful grandchildren, your brother, your sisters, your best friends, and all the other family members, friends and acquaintances on whom you left an indelible mark (whether you realized or not).
So, on what would be your 66th birthday, I would like to thank you:
- for being the best Dad you could, which is far better than most and for which I am forever grateful
- for teaching me how to ride a bike
- for teaching me how to fix things
- for instilling in me the pride and care I take in all the work I do, paid or not
- for protecting me from the world but knowing when it was time to let me go (just a little bit)
- for teaching me that alcohol is not the way to numb my pain
- for encouraging me to seek help when I could no longer help myself
- for visiting me every single day for the 11 months I was in the hospital in 2006
- for sacrificing your time, and possibly your sanity, to drive out west with me and my two crazy friends
- for showing me the beauty of nature and the capacity to love all living creatures
- for your sense of humour. Oh, how I miss that.
- for your intelligence
- for teaching me that learning never ends
- for showing me that sacrificing balance in life will lead to sadness and likely a shorter life
- for reminding me of my strengths when I felt weak
- for teaching me how to cook, clean my computer (but nothing else...), thread a needle
- for putting up with our cats, who really did love you but showed it in 'special' ways (namely biting and hissing)
- for letting me come to live with you when I needed stability
- for allowing me to make my own mistakes and hopefully learn from yours
What I remember when I think of you:
- the sound of your keys (...jingling when you were becoming impatient)
- Tabac
- how you always seemed larger than life
- beating you at Minesweeper every time
- Princess Point
- comfortable silences
- drives to nowhere in particular
My new friend was kind enough to research the meanings of Raven and Hummingbird. I would like to share them:
"Raven is the " Bringer of Light ". In the Pacific Northwest, Raven brought forth "Life and Order". Ravens are also very playful as well as being protective. Raven brings magic and will help you to accept magic (good magic) without fear. Although Raven is seen year round, his season is Winter and of 'Winter Solstice'. He loves things that sparkle and shine.
"Our tiny flyer of "Those that Fly" brings a message when she appears to us. This message is to "Let Go" of old matters that are suppressing and depressing us. Hummingbird wants you to enjoy the "Nectars of Life". Only you know what brings joy into your life and creates joy in your life. Because Hummingbird flies in a stationary position, her message is also of "restoring" health and balance in positive and ENLIGHTENING ways. To put it plain and simple, Hummingbird wants you to live and love your life in genuine happiness. Hummingbird hums...she wants you to hum with her."
So, I will not be sad on this day. I will honour you by getting up, going out and facing the world.
